True story: I was tasked by the lovely Mrs Lawson to buy some curtains that match our carpet during the January sales I dutifully did so — and had to return to the shop straight away because they didn’t match at all Mrs Lawson accompanied me and with a withering glance at her incompetent mate immediately found some correctly hued fabric and all was well

But what’s a middle-aged colour-blind bloke to do? I had early in the curtain procurement process decided against cutting a hole in the carpet in order that I may take a sample with…..